The following blog post was written by Tara, a dear friend of the KCC, and was originally published on LoudMommy.com, a gathering place for moms of special needs children.

He was wrong. Amanda was targeted on her bus by her “friends” who knew she could not tell on them and she was asked to do inappropriate behaviors. I share this story with you because Amanda is my daughter. My guilt and anger has made me determined to make all parents of special needs children aware of the need for a safety plan and safety training for their children.

Our children’s safety when they are not with us is one of the most worrisome things parents of special needs children deal with. We know that our children are vulnerable because they are more trusting, non-verbal or unable to defend themselves properly. As parents of special needs children, it is our obligation to train our children to be assertive and protect themselves and make sure they are watched closely by those assisting them when we can’t be with them.

One way to help our children and their caregivers and therapists is to have a safety plan put in place. This plan should be very specific to your individual child’s needs and should be made apart of your child’s IEP, if they have one in place. A safety plan can stand alone of other plans you have in place for your child as well. Many school districts have safety plan guidelines to use that you can then tweak to fit your child’s needs. Items to consider while preparing your child’s safety plan are:

1. Why is a safety plan needed?
2. When are they the most vulnerable? On the playground, waiting in car line, on the bus, in the restroom.
3. Who are your child’s “safe” adults? Teacher, paraprofessional, therapist, neighbor.
4. What can your child understand about his/her own safety?
5. Who is ultimately responsible for implementing the plan?
6. What type of programs or assistance can the school provide in helping you educate your child? The counselor, advisors, and school psychologist are great places to start.

Talking to our children about keeping themselves safe is not easy. For most of our children you will need to have the same conversations many times over to be sure they understand. Keeping the communication open and free flowing is so important to help our children feel safe. Just telling children about bad things that might happen can cause them to feel scared and anxious. Teaching them to be successful in practicing skills helps them to become more confident and capable. Some tips to help you coach your special needs child about safety skills are:

1. Addressing what is appropriate behavior is a great place to start.
2. Explaining that the area covered by their bathing suit is private and not to show it to anyone else. We use a picture chart that I made two copies of and cut the pictures out into squares and play a memory game. When we get a match we talk about the picture. This way I can take out the cards that we are not ready to discuss yet. You can find the picture chart at the link HERE.
3. Teaching assertiveness. Teaching your child to say “no” or a good approximation of the word “no” is very important. They need to be able to say “no” when they do not feel comfortable doing something someone asks or tells them to do.
4. Talk about bullying and how to tell if someone is being a bully.
5. Teach them a way to tell an adult. This could be through teaching catchphrases, proper sign language, or programming your child’s AAC device with a SAFETY button that allows them to make statements such as: “You’re not being a friend,” “Stop, I don’t like that,” or “I need to tell you something that didn’t feel safe”.
6. There are many books that discuss inappropriate behavior from adults but it is not easy to find books that talk about when someone you think is your friend makes you feel unsafe. I will continue that search or write one myself.

There are many resources online to assist in preparing a safety program for your child. Please visit www.staysafe.ie and www.kidpower.org. Both of these sites address special needs children.

I hope that by sharing my daughter’s experience we can prevent this from happening to other children by empowering their parents to help them be safe and to help the adults providing care to them understand that supervision is the key. I hope that more children will learn how to protect themselves, understand safety rules and learn how to follow their safety plan.

Maybe one day Amanda will ride the school bus again but for now we are car-liners. She no long gets excited when she sees a school bus. Until she feels safe and we know she can stand up for herself we will drive her to school where she goes to her safe adult and has a wonderfully safe day being shadowed by her paraprofessional, teachers and therapists. The safety plan and coaching we are providing Amanda gives me peace of mind. Well, enough peace of mind that I did not quit my job and start homeschooling her and boy did I want to. But that is a story for another day.

You can follow Tara’s blog at www.millet224.tumblr.com

Tara and her daughter Amanda